And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
