She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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