dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
