Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
