Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He did a backflip because drugs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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