After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
