well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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