There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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