last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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