Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
