dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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