sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
