Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
