..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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