so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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