i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
