I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
