i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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