I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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