I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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