Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
