after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
