Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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