She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
