I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
