I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
