I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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