Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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