I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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