ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
