OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
