Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
