shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
