Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
