so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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