so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Terrible idea I love it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
