Define "chronic" masturbator.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
