You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
