that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
