I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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