i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
