Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
