She is in my trunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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