My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
