I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
