I feel like abortions should bother me more
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
