I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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