Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
