yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
