im having a threesome with these popsicles
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
