found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
