He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
