I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
