No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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