He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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