so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize