When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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