They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
