4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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