One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
