U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
