there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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