I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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