I think I died a long time ago.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
