drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
