your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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