my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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