Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
