awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
