Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
