Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize