that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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