im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
