The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
