whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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