I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
