Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
