remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
