My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
