Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
don't judge my taste in strippers
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
