Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
