I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
