weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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