That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
